


Color Me Free

by minyardfluff



Category: All For the Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Body Image, Canon-Typical Violence, Divergent AU - Freeform, M/M, i'll add tags as i go, mentions of rape/abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-10
Updated: 2016-07-02
Packaged: 2018-07-14 03:41:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7151633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minyardfluff/pseuds/minyardfluff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being divergent was no longer the death sentence it was in the past. Well, except for Neil, but then again when isn’t someone trying to kill Neil.</p><p>or, the Divergent AU that no one asked for but that I couldn’t get out of my head.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little note, I'll be updating tags as I go, but I'll put in the notes before the chapter that the tag applies to.
> 
> Hope you enjoy! :)

In hindsight, Neil should have known that going to the community building today was a mistake.

If his mother were alive, she would beat him half to death for even considering going there today.  _ “Today is Graduation Day,”  _ she’d hiss in his ear and drag him back towards their hole in the ground. He was never told why he couldn’t go to the building on graduation day. He trusted his mother knew best, but now she was gone and wasn’t there to tell him he was getting too lax in keeping track of dates.

Neil had gone to the community building because it was one of the few places that the factionless could safely receive food and water. He normally avoided the place because they needed to scan his identification tag embedded in his wrist in order to give him his ration, but after going almost a full two weeks with minimal food and dirty water Neil was desperate and willing to let them scan whatever they wanted to as long as he could get something in his rumbling stomach.

On his way to the cafeteria, Neil noticed that there were less people in the building. Later he would realize they were probably all at the graduation ceremony, but as it was he only thanked his minimal good fortune that there were less people around to see him and possibly identify him.

A cheery woman who wore the red and yellow of Amity stood at the entrance to the cafeteria to scan his ID. Neil’s identity was easily his most coveted secret, and even though his real identity wasn’t the one shown on his wrist, it didn’t stop him from tensing up when the woman wrapped her hand around it. Real or not, if anyone found the connection between his past and his present, he was dead.

“Okay Neil Josten, you can go ahead and...” the woman started to say, but trailed off as she reread something on her screen. 

Neil felt all of his muscles coil with the readiness to bolt.  _ This is it. I’ve been found out. I have to run. I have to keep hiding. I need to- _

“Oh!” she cut off his thoughts excitedly. “Looks like you turned 18 this past year! Congratulations!”

Had he already turned 18? He could have sworn it was just yesterday they were running from the outer wall. But why was she congratulating him?

“You should really be on your way to the assembly hall by now.” The woman must not have noticed or cared about the confused look on his face as she continued, “you’re cutting it just a tad bit close, but no worries! Wait here and I’ll grab you some food and then take you to the hall.”

Before he could say anything she was briskly walking away while motioning to another woman wearing similar clothing to hers, assumably to take her place at the cafeteria entrance.

Neil considered running anyways. She may not have known who he really was, but a hall meant more people and more people meant more risk of discovery. Then he thought about his poor stomach and the promise of food and water upon the woman’s return and decided it was worth the risk.

When the woman returned she told Neil her name was Becky and handed him a cup of water and a baggie that held the normal rations: assorted nuts and two small bars. His mother had explained to him that the Erudite figured out a formula for the bar that consisted of the nutrients they determined to be vital to survival as well as some sort of substance they infused the bar with to make you feel fuller faster. It was really quite convenient all things considered, but it tasted terrible. Apparently the nuts were provided to take the edge off the bad taste. 

Neil took a small bite of the bar and then ate one of the nuts before tying the bag off and taking a sip of water. He didn’t want to eat too much at once in case his stomach rejected it, which was not a pleasant experience at all. Becky gave him a knowing look full of pity, but soon enough looked away. They walked a ways in silence before she stopped at a door and turned to him.

“Here we are, Neil Josten,” she motioned with her hand for him to open the door. When he made no indication of moving, she shrugged her shoulders, opened the door, and walked in before him.

The man in the room immediately opened his arms to her and enveloped her in a hug. “Hi Mr. Hernandez,” Neil heard the woman say, “seems this one here lost track of time, but I hope we made it.”

He let go of the hug and looked to Neil, “Yes, of course Becky, we were just about to start but it’s all good!” Mr. Hernandez said with a smile. What struck Neil most about the man was how different he was from his father, despite being approximately the same age. Where his father was stone faced, hard edges, and steely eyes, Mr. Hernandez was smiles, pudgy limbs, and kind eyes. It made Neil instantly wary. Men like his father were predictable in their actions, but those who chose to keep their intentions hidden behind kindness were much harder to deal with.

“Alright, well this is where I leave you,” Becky brought his mind back to the present. “Have a good day and may you find peace of mind.” She smiled at him, undeterred by his blank expression, and then turned and walked back the way they came.

“What’s your name, son?” Mr. Hernandez prompted him.

His eyes scan around the room, taking in the boys and girls in the seats who would hear his name announced. They were all around his age, so he figured this must really be an assembly for 18 year olds like Becky implied. He drug his eyes back to Mr. Hernandez, but looked just to the right of his eyes when he finally answered, “Neil.”

“Pleasure to meet you, Neil. Go ahead and take a seat and we’ll get started”

Neil nodded and took the empty seat closest to him. He didn’t like being in front, but he didn’t want to look around for a different one and risk making eye contact with others. Besides, this seat was closest to the door and the wall, so as long as he angled himself in towards the room he still had a decent vantage point.

Neil’s entrance had gotten everyone’s attention, so it didn’t take much for Mr. Hernandez to get their attention and begin speaking. “First of all I want to say Happy Graduation Day! Even though none of you actually attended the school, we recognize what an important day this is to you as well.” Alarms started going off in Neil’s head when he realized what day it was, but still he couldn’t understand why it meant anything to him. “With graduation day comes the factionless coming of age ceremony. As everyone here is aware, we no longer condemn children to remain factionless in their adulthood based on the fallacies of their parents.” Neil most certainly was not aware, but remained quiet as Mr. Hernandez continued, “That is why those of you who have turned 18 this year will accompany the factioned children to take the aptitude test tomorrow and then participate in the choosing ceremony the following day.”

Neil imagined this announcement was what all factionless children looked forward to hearing once they turned 18. Everyone around him was chattering excitedly about the new life they were going to start once they chose a faction and with that faction, the fellow members that were going to become like family. It was every child’s dream, but it was Neil’s worst nightmare.

He could imagine why his mother never wanted him to know this day existed. Choosing a faction meant no longer blending into the background, which went against the very reason his mother had escaped from the outer city. His mother’s words were a mantra in his head;  _ keep your head down, blend in, keep your voice down, blend in.  _ Being a member of the factionless was the ideal way for Neil to follow his mother’s wishes. No one wanted to look a factionless in the eye or make conversation with one. Even fellow factionless members kept to themselves as every day was a fight for survival and it was every man for himself. Neil knew he should definitely find a way to leave the community building before he was forced to join a faction.

And yet.

He wanted the adrenaline rush that seemed to constantly flow through the Dauntless. Or maybe he wanted the satisfying feeling the Erudite experienced after solving a particularly hard problem. He wanted to be able to do things for others without thinking about how it benefits himself like the abnegation and the content happiness he always saw on the faces of the Amity. Maybe, he thought as he rubbed his wrist, maybe he even wanted the security of being able to tell the truth and not be condemned for it by the Candor.

His mother always told him they were hiding because being found would result in a fate worse than death, but with this new opportunity before him he was having a hard time believing that it could be much worse than wasting his life away in the gutters.

He thought about actually having clothes that weren’t threatening to rip apart, shoes that fit without having to cut the toes off and cover them in fabric so his toes wouldn’t be crushed, and food that tasted good and filled his stomach instead of just making him  _ feel _ full artificially.

His mother was screaming at him in his head but he couldn’t hear it over the rushing of blood in his ears.

He was going to do it. He was going to choose a faction.

Besides, he figured, if he ended up hating it he could always leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so as you can probably tell I'm taking a quite a bit of liberty with the Divergent universe. It's set after Divergent canon ends and the timeline will become more apparent as Neil learns more about the factions.
> 
> With that said, let me know if you guys like it! Also let me know if there are any mistakes :)
> 
> I was inspired to write this AU because of my amazing roommate, who happens to be my best friend and cousin, Aleekae (Welliefox) who is doing an incredible job writing an X-Men AU called Numb My Skin (read it here!)
> 
> Title taken from Troye Sivan's "Heaven" my favorite song of his
> 
> Come say hi on my [Tumblr!](http://www.hazzafluff.tumblr.com) @Hazzafluff


	2. Chapter 2

Neil let the water roll over his shoulders and down his back as he thought about what Mr. Hernandez had said was going to happen. Though they called it a coming of age ceremony, it was really just a few things to make them fit for the rest of society. They were being allowed to take showers first, then they were going to have dinner and go back to the assembly hall for the night.

Neil used to take showers all the time, but after becoming so used to only using rainwater, taking a shower was foreign. He had tried to use the shampoo, but after squeezing some onto his hand the artificial smell gave him an instant headache and he washed it down the drain. Without soap, the shower could have been over quickly. Instead of getting out though, he let himself stand under the rhythmic pressure of the water and thought about what he was about to do.

First of all, he had to decide what faction he was going to choose. Candor was immediately out; he had too many secrets to live in a faction built on truth. He couldn’t afford to forget himself, and therefore couldn’t live in Abnegation. 

Erudite was tempting. When he was younger he had an affinity for math and would do it to help calm himself down. He would love to have access to the knowledge they provide and learn more advanced mathematics, but on the other hand, the Erudite were naturally curious. One person who wanted to know a little more about Neil Josten could be his downfall. Though he would love to have the opportunity to learn more, Erudite was out.

That left Amity or Dauntless. Between the two, the obvious choice was Amity. The Dauntless were reckless. Neil believed their bravery bordered on stupidity most of the time and questioned their sanity. The Amity were peaceful, caring folk. They cared so much about keeping the peace that even if they found out Neil’s secret, there was a slim chance they would do anything about it. 

Despite that, Neil felt himself drawn towards Dauntless. He reasoned with himself that choosing Dauntless would lead to him learning how to fight and defend himself, as well as how to use weapons. Presumably, his new faction was also supposed to become his “family” and even if Neil couldn’t see himself ever letting anyone get that close, having people around him who also knew how to fight could be useful.

He tried not to think about the fact that if his father came after him, having people who could defend themselves made him feel better than releasing his father on the defenseless members of Amity.

Neil took a deep breath, _Dauntless it is,_ and turned off the shower.

When he stepped out into his cubicle he eyed the pile of purple clothes he was given. _“For the next two days you shall clothe yourselves in purple. Purple was chosen because it evokes a feeling of luxury and wisdom. We hope that it will give you a sense of being able to leave your past behind and look forward to your new beginning,”_ Mr. Hernandez had told them.

Neil smirked at the irony of clothing the poor and uneducated in the color of luxury and wisdom.

The clothes had obviously been worn before, most likely reused each year, but they were still leagues above his old clothing. The shirt was too big for him, but at least it was short sleeved so he didn’t have to worry about it covering his hands. The pants were made out of cloth and fit decently enough. A generic pair of shoes completed the outfit.

Neil was the last to emerge from the showers, so with his reappearance Mr. Hernandez lead the group of purple down a series of hallways to the cafeteria.

Neil had expected to receive another batch of rations, but instead he realized they were going to be treated like faction members. They were still given plain food as their stomachs wouldn’t be able to handle anything fancy, but Neil would take dry chicken over nutrient bars any day. Along with the chicken, they were given mashed potatoes, green beans, and a roll with a square of butter.

A girl sitting a few seats down from him started choking out sobs at the sight of the meal, which caused a chain reaction of others starting to wipe at their eyes and sniffle their noses. It was that moment that it really hit Neil how much this meant for all of them. The purple teens sitting around him had been born factionless. They most likely had never had chicken in their entire lives. Besides the rations, factionless could occasionally convince the Abnegation to give them bread or even fruit, but never meat. Neil hadn’t had meat in a long time so of course he missed it, but this meant something completely different to them.

He lowered his eyes to his plate and ate his meal in silence.

After dinner, they all went back to the assembly hall and found that the chairs had been taken out and replaced with beds. Neil wasn’t sure what he expected, but the sight of a bed still took him off guard. The others squealed excitedly and began to claim a beds for themselves. Neil managed to snag a bed where he could keep his back to the wall and settled in. 

Mr. Hernandez had told them that after dinner it would be social time before bed, and while Neil had no intention of sleeping, he also had no intention of socializing. A couple of the others tried to draw him into conversation, but they quickly gave up when they realized he wasn’t going to respond. He found a spot on the wall to stare at and laid there until hours passed and he managed to fall into a restless sleep.

The next morning, a knock on the door made Neil wake with a start. His first instinct was to hide before the door could open, but when he opened his eyes he got his bearings back and forced himself to calm down.

“Good morning future faction members!” came Mr. Hernandez’s jolly voice. “Just one more day until you choose your new family, but first!” he paused to build anticipation, though none of them were really awake enough to appreciate it, “The aptitude test!”

As far as Neil knew, no one was told what the aptitude test consisted of. Neil had an unfair advantage because he had taken the test before, but in his defense it’s not like that turned out very well for him...

 _“Congratulations Mr. Wesninski, your son is 100% divergent,” Lola, the woman who had put the needle in his neck turned towards his father. “We hope you plan to begin the experiments right away.”_  

_Neil didn’t know what experiments they were talking about, but his dad always created the most amazing worlds. He couldn’t wait to see what his dad would inject him with now that he was divergent, whatever that meant._

_His dad turned a smile towards him and replied to Lola, “Of course.”_

Neil mentally shook away the memory and brought himself back to the present. Apparently the group of them were going back to the cafeteria for breakfast. 

After eating scrambled eggs and toast, during which no tears were shed despite them still being visibly affected, they piled into a bus that would take them to the school for the test.

Upon arrival it was obvious no one was comfortable, factioned or otherwise. 

Even without the nerves everyone was feeling about the aptitude test, the factionless weren’t used to being around the factioned and vice versa. The factioned also weren’t used to seeing purple among their ranks, however little it is.

The factionless were split up and dispersed between lines leading into different rooms.

The closer it got to Neil’s turn to take the test the faster his heart suddenly started pounding and he couldn’t breathe. The idea of putting a needle into his neck sent shivers down his spine and made him immobile. He distantly heard someone trying to get his attention, but he couldn’t focus on the voice.

The person started snapping fingers in front of his face in addition to his words, “Hey, heeeeey, are you okay?” Neil zoned in on the fingers snapping in front of him and then on the face the fingers belonged to. “For real, are you going to be okay? Do you feel sick?”

Neil raked his eyes over the person and catalogued his features to calm himself down. _Male. Dark skin. Short black hair. Brown eyes. Black clothes. Dauntless._

_Dauntless._

_Brave._

_I need to be brave._

Neil blew air out in a steady stream and shook his head, “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” He still hesitated at Neil’s curt nod, but eventually let it go and motioned him through the door, “you’ll be alright, it’s just a simulation,” he reassured with a smile as Neil passed him. Neil gave another nod and let the door close behind him.

If Neil hadn’t just pulled himself back from a panic attack and was currently forcing himself to stay calm, this room would have put him in another one. The walls were completely covered by mirrors and all around him Neil could only see his father’s face. 

He quickly averted his eyes to the ground and heard a chuckle.

“Does this one even need to take the test? Seems pretty inclined to Abnegation.”

“Kevin,” a second, older voice joined, a heavy warning in his tone. 

“Sorry, Coach,” the first replied, though the amusement in their tone said they weren’t really that sorry.

Neil managed to drag his eyes up to the others in the room and saw there were actually three people standing there instead of two, though only the two who spoke were looking at him. The third one looked bored out of his mind. They were all dressed in the black clothing of Dauntless.

Neil looked at the younger one who had spoken, presumably Kevin, and made eye contact. He looked away immediately, still too rattled by his panic to answer the challenge in Kevin’s eyes. Kevin started to laugh again until the older man loudly cleared his throat.

Kevin looked at Neil in silence a second longer before he sighed and started speaking in a bored tone that sounded overly rehearsed, “Hello future initiate. My name is Kevin Day and I am here today to give you your aptitude test. I am joined by David Wymack,” he gestured towards the older man, “and Andrew Minyard,” he moved his hand to indicate the younger boy who still hadn’t looked at Neil. “David is overseeing mine and Andrew’s training in simulation giving. I will be the one to administer the test. May I scan your wrist?" 

With the last line he picked up a scanner similar to the one used at the community building. Neil held his wrist out and filled with the anxiety that came with waiting to be discovered. Kevin scanned his wrist and read the information on the screen. Neil was relieved when there was no recognition in his eyes. 

“Okay, Neil Josten,” Kevin continued in the same tone, “take a seat and we’ll start the test.”

Neil obediently sat in the seat even though it made him nervous. It was the type that leaned back and had you put your feet up. It was designed to make the person comfortable, but Neil knew it would be hard to run away from that position.

Kevin picked up two small pads with wires that attached them to a computer monitor and began to attach them to his head. Neil tensed up at the same time Wymack prompted with a gruff voice, “and what are you doing that for, Kevin?”

Kevin huffs like it’s the biggest inconvenience to explain, but does so anyways, “these are being attached to your temples so that we can watch your simulation through the screen.”

After he finished attaching them, he picked up the needle sitting on the table next to him. Neil closed his eyes and tilted his head, willing himself to stay calm. He could hear the smirk in Kevin’s voice when he said, “See you in a bit.”

When Neil opened his eyes he was on a street in the middle of tall buildings. He’d never been on this street in real life, but experience with the serum made it familiar. He was glad he was right in assuming the aptitude test hadn’t changed since he last took it.

Because of his father’s occupation, he knew the test had only changed twice since its origin. The first had been approximately 175 years ago, when serums were adapted so divergents couldn’t manipulate them. The second was about 10 years after that, when the test was changed so each individual faction’s aptitude was tested, instead of the simulation creating an either/or situation. Where the old test would ask you to choose a knife or cheese, basically making you choose Dauntless or Amity, this test asked whether or not you were brave and then asked whether or not you were kind. It allowed for easier detection of divergence since it was easier to show aptitude for each faction. 

Since the time of the Faction War, being divergent was no longer the death sentence it used to be. It became accepted that having an affinity for multiple factions and choosing only one was no different than someone choosing a faction different than what their aptitude test showed. It helped that the new serum made it so divergents could no longer manipulate simulations, putting them on equal footing with other faction members. However, Neil knew that if his test showed he was divergent, he’d be scanned to show what percentage of divergence he was. His scan would show 100% and he couldn’t have that, but lucky for him, he also knew that because he was 100%, he could still manipulate the simulation because the new serum wasn’t perfected yet, much to his father’s annoyance.

Neil heard someone yelling around the corner, the tell tale sign of the simulation starting.

The first part, he knew, was Amity. Neil approached the couple like he was supposed to and listened to their fight. He was neither kind nor a peacemaker, which made it easy to turn away and not care about the fight. 

When he turned away, it was to see a man marching angrily towards him. His fists were clenched, obviously ready for a fight. Neil made to run, but he was too late and was slammed up against the wall.

This was Dauntless. He needed to pass.

Neil brought his leg up and kneed the man in the groin, causing the man to double over and release him. The man was strong; too strong to stay and fight. _It must be part of the simulation to make him stronger than you no matter who you are,_ Neil reasoned. When he went to run, he realized that the street had changed and his only way out was through the dark alley next to him. Being factionless and in hiding, he and his mother spent plenty of time in actual dark, dangerous alleys; this simulation was nothing compared to that. 

He emerged on the other side of the alley and came to an abrupt halt when he saw that it was a cliff with a steep drop off in front of him and a forest below. He looked around for another escape route, but there wasn’t one. He noticed a vine that attached to the cliff wall and snatched it up as it was obvious he was going to have to swing down into the jungle. Neil stared out across the forest and gulped. Simulation or not, jumping into the unknown was fucking scary.

Heavy footsteps started becoming louder behind him and he turned to see the man coming after him again.

Neil took a deep breath _, I am brave. I am Dauntless._

He tightened his grip on the vine, took another steadying breath, and jumped.

The vine took him through the trees until he safely landed on the ground and rolled to control his momentum. He suspects it’s only by miracle of simulation that he wasn’t hurt.

When he looked around this time he realized that he was suddenly parched and his body felt like it was in an oven. There was a glass of water sitting on a table next to him and he gratefully picked it up.

Before he could take a drink he was interrupted by a soft, tired voice, “excuse me.”

When he turned around, Neil saw a man, different than the one from before, sat against a tree, exhausted and dehydrated. “Could I possibly have that water?” the man asked.

This one was Abnegation. Only someone with an aptitude for selflessness could give up the water they themselves need for the sake of another person. Neil wanted to offer the man the water, he has been through much worse conditions than this and the man obviously needed it.

But Neil needed to be only Dauntless. He turned his head and drank the water.

When he looked back, both the heat and the man were gone, but now there was a book and a flower pot sitting on the table. This was obviously Erudite and Neil knew he couldn’t read the book; however, it would be too obvious if he just ignored it. Only Abnegation killed their curiosity, someone who was Dauntless would be interested in the book itself, if not its contents.

Neil picked it up and read the title, _500 Facts You Never Knew About the Factions._ He desperately wanted to open the book, intrigued by the subject. He gave the title one more read and set the book down.

A loud crash sounded as the book caused the table to fall, knocking over and breaking the flower pot.

A woman came out of the trees behind Neil and exclaimed, “I heard a crash! What happened!?” When she saw the flower pot on the ground she gasped and angrily yelled at Neil, “Did you do this!?”

Neil almost laughed, amused that they saved the easiest for last. He was never good at telling the truth.

“No.”

With his next blink, Neil was back in the testing room with the three men.

Wymack looked away from the testing screen to the laptop that showed his information from when his wrist was scanned and began typing.

Kevin looked between Neil and Wymack but didn’t say anything as he waited for Wymack to finish what he was doing. Andrew was still looking at the testing screen with disinterest. 

Finally Wymack looked at Neil and said, “Well, kid, looks like you have an aptitude for Dauntless.” 

Kevin nodded and added, “I guess we can expect to see you in our faction after the ceremony tomorrow?”

Neil looked at Kevin and held his stare this time, “I don’t know. I was thinking about joining Abnegation. You know, since I have such an inclination for it.”

Kevin narrowed his eyes and he heard Wymack exhale in what was probably a laugh, but what got his attention was Andrew finally turning to look at him.

Neil slid his eyes from Kevin to Andrew’s. The other boy looked just as disinterested as he had before, but that fact that he was looking at Neil at all gave away his interest. Wymack allowed them to hold their impromptu staring match for a half minute more before he started prepping the equipment for the next person.

“Alright kid, time to go and think long and hard about which faction you’re going to choose,” he paused his prepping, crossed his arms, and looked at Neil, “but I think we all know where you belong.”

Neil didn’t respond, simply stood and lowered his eyes back to the floor to avoid his reflection on the way out.

When he was almost to the door he heard a new voice that he knew had to belong to Andrew.

“See you tomorrow.”

A phrase like that could mean they were simply intending to see them in passing at some point during the ceremony the next day, but it didn’t feel like that coming from Andrew.

Neil didn’t slow his steps or even acknowledge Andrew said anything, but later that night he kept repeating those words in his head.

_See you tomorrow._

It felt like a challenge and Neil was ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Hope you enjoyed this chapter and liked (briefly) meeting a few foxes :)
> 
> I'm really excited about the changes I'm making to the divergent universe but let me know what you guys think!
> 
> Come say hi on my [Tumblr!](http://www.hazzafluff.tumblr.com)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a warning here, I've updated the tags with "Body Image" because Neil has been factionless so he is extremely malnourished and that gets touched on a little in this chapter. If that triggers or upsets you, stop reading at the ***** and start again at the next *****
> 
> Otherwise, hope you enjoy!

Neil couldn’t remember ever hating a color before, but right now he despised purple.

The clothing he usually wore as a factionless person made him blend in with the trash that decorated the dump and made others avert their eyes. The purple clothing he wore now did the exact opposite and it set his nerves on edge.

All eyes were on the small group of purple as they walked into the Hub, and all whispers, and some not so whispers, were about them.

_“Do we really have to share the elevator with them? Can’t they at least take the stairs?_

_“Look at them, they’d probably collapse before they reached the second floor.”_

_“They’ll probably just eat well for a week before going back to being factionless.”_

_“Trash will always be trash, and trash belongs in the dump”_

Neil clenched his fists and told himself to keep calm. It wasn’t worth it to make a scene here, surrounded by thousands of people. He stalked towards the elevators before he could hear them say anything else and rode it up to the 20th floor in silence.

The elevator doors opened to a massive room that had to have taken up the entire floor, plus the next few floors above it with how high up the seats go. The seats were arranged in a semi-circle around a stage, which Neil would never have called small in other circumstances, but seemed minuscule compared to everything around it. In the center of the stage there was a microphone and  six podiums, five with a large bowl on it and one that he couldn’t tell if there was anything on it or not.

Everyone’s wrists were scanned as they exited the elevator and were told where to go. Neil was sent in the direction of the other 18 year olds on the inner ring and put in alphabetical order. He counted himself lucky to be placed between two members of Amity, who, no matter what their actual thoughts were about the factionless, wanted to keep the peace enough not to voice them.

Neil stood and warily watched all the faction members pile in. He realized he had been right in assuming that the factionless weren’t allowed to attend the ceremony, except for the 18 year olds participating in it.

His eyes were soon drawn to the rowdy sea of black on the opposite side of the room. It was too far away to see if he could recognize anyone, but he watched them nonetheless. They were so animated and full of life, even when doing something as simple as getting in their seats for a ceremony. Neil wondered if being in Dauntless would ever make him feel as alive as they looked.

Neil flinched as he was pulled from his thoughts by an awful screeching noise that was unmistakably the sound of a microphone being turned on improperly.

A man was standing in front of the microphone, looking down at it as if it had personally offended him. When the ringing stopped, he took a step forward and cleared his throat, “I really do apologize for that.” He was wearing blue clothes that signified he was supposed to be smart, but apparently turning on a microphone was above his level. “My name is Tetsuji Moriyama and I am here to welcome you all to the Choosing Ceremony.”

Everyone around Neil erupted into applause, making him jump again. _If living in a faction is going to be like this, I’ll die of a heart attack before he ever finds me._ He didn’t think there was anything worth clapping about at this point so he turned his attention back to the man and waited for the clapping to stop and his nerves to settle.

“Thank you,” Tetsuji smiled as the last of the applause died out. “Everyone who is present today is here because of a journey that lead them to this exact moment at this exact time. We have all lead different lives and learned different things to take with us on the rest of our journey. For all of the 18 year olds, today marks the day where their journey takes a new turn, a turn that will bring them into a faction as an adult. They will learn how to uphold the responsibilities of their faction, how to live their lives embracing the ideals of their faction, and arguably the most important part, how to accept those in their faction and, in turn, be accepted _by_ their faction.”

Tetsuji paused his speaking and let the heavy silence hang over the room. With his next words, he slowly let his gaze drag over the faces in the crowd as if he could personally see every single person, “You will do well to remember those words, for if you are not accepted by your faction, you will suffer a fate worse than death. Factionless.”

Neil stiffened at the word and felt more than a few looks cast in his direction. He also felt the irresistible urge to punch this Tetsuji person. He had obviously never met his father, _or his father’s lackeys_ , he thought as he subconsciously pressed a hand to his chest. If he had, he would know there were _much_ worse things than being without a faction.

“With that in mind, we graciously give those who have already known the tragedy of living factionless a chance to change their destiny. The factions are built on traditions, but we understand when there is a need to adapt, and though we have only been allowing the factionless to join the rest of us for 8 years, we are confident in the positive change it is making for everyone.

“These young adults before us will come forward and choose their faction. Will they choose to be truthful like Candor, peaceful like Amity, selfless like Abnegation, brave like Dauntless, or intelligent like Erudite?” With each faction, he gestured to each of the bowls in front of him, and then to their respective place in the audience. “As they choose which moral they wish to live by, they are also choosing their future family. Family is not built on the foundation of blood, but rather on trust and loyalty. It is why we believe in the motto:”

“Faction Before Blood,” seemingly everyone in the room except Neil had spoken to finish Tetsuji’s sentence.

“Yes, faction before blood,” Tetsuji reiterated. “We will now begin the choosing ceremony.”

Everyone remained quiet while Tetsuji pulled out a list from his suit pocket and began reading names from the list. Neil watched as the first person called, an Abnegation girl, went up to the podium without a bowl and picked up whatever was on it. She stood there for a moment before dragging the object across her palm, and that’s when Neil realized, _knife._

Neil clutched his fingers to his chest and held his shirt in a death grip. The blood rushing in his ears stopped him from being able to hear anything, but he continued watching as the girl held her newly cut hand out above a bowl and let her blood drip into it. He was aware of the applause around him, but couldn’t stop staring at where the girl had left the knife on the podium. He forced himself to steady his breathing, _in, 2, 3, 4, out, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, in, 2, 3…_

By the time the seventh person had gone up and chosen a faction, Neil had gotten himself mostly under control and let go of the grip on his shirt. When he was finally able to focus on the ceremony itself, he noticed that most of them chose the faction they already belonged to. The first time there was a faction transfer, an Erudite boy who chose to go to Candor, Neil was surprised at the outrage the Erudite section showed. From the speech, he had thought everyone was accepting of each young adult’s choice, _Wasn’t that why they had a choosing ceremony in the first place?_ Neil thought incredulously, _Guess they’re all just pretty words in the end._

Neil felt the person next to him move and go up to the stage. He waited with baited breath for his name to be called, but it still sent a shock through him when it actually was.

“Neil Josten.”

At this point, Neil realized he was the first person adorned in purple to grace the stage that evening. When he approached Tetsuji, the man was wearing a smile but his eyes were filled with venom. It was such a stark reminder of his father, Neil stumbled in his steps in his haste to avert his eyes. He distantly heard a few snickers from the audience, but kept his head down until he stood in front of the podium with the knife.

He took a few deep breaths before he reached out with a shaking hand and picked up the knife. He allowed himself to feel the weight of the knife and reminded himself that he was in control, no one else, and then pressed the blade to his palm. Blood sprung up from where he drew it across his skin and quickly put the knife back down. He held his hand palm up close to his chest and turned towards the bowl Tetsuji had indicated as Dauntless. It contained coals that seemed to be simmering as though they could start on fire at any moment.

He didn’t even look at the other bowls before thrusting his hand out over the coals and allowing his blood to drip onto them. There was a moment of silence before Tetsuji declared, “Dauntless.”

The applause was instantaneous. He turned to where he knew the Dauntless section was and saw them all clapping, stomping, yelling, and beckoning him towards them. He forced his feet to move and before he knew it he was seated among them, getting patted on the back, told congratulations, and overall welcomed to the faction.

Neil couldn’t bring himself to smile or say anything back because his nerves were so on edge, but he thought it felt nice to be apart of something big and loud and _alive_ instead of hiding in the shadows.

The ceremony eventually ended with no other factionless member choosing Dauntless. There weren’t that many factionless 18 year olds to begin with, but Neil found himself surprised that the others didn’t want to feel as alive as Dauntless after living half dead for so long. He shrugged the thought away and stood up with the rest of his faction.

They seemed restless and jumped around like they couldn’t wait to get moving and soon enough he found out why; a man in his early 20s called out, “Dauntless! Old and new! Let’s go!”

His new faction members began hooting and hollering and running towards the exit. A slap on his back got Neil moving as he tried to keep up with them.

*****

He made it down three flights of steps before he began to feel his body betraying him. The fact of the matter was, Neil was malnourished. He’d had a good few meals the past couple of days, but that couldn’t overcome the fact that his limbs were like sticks and his lungs not used to the abuse. He managed to get through the seventh flight of stairs before he began seeing spots in his vision and his muscles started burning with the exertion. His legs gave out underneath of him, causing him to careen over the last few stairs and collapse against the wall between stairways.

*****

He tried to get back on his feet, but his legs were shaking so badly they didn’t even attempt to hold his weight, _Dammit!_ Neil internally yelled at himself. His breaths were coming in shallow bursts and he knew he wasn’t going to make it to the ground floor, let alone to wherever Dauntless lived. This was it, about a half hour’s worth of time as a faction member and he’d already failed.

“Hey, kid!”

Neil glanced up to see an older man stood over him. With a quick look to his face to make sure it wasn’t his father, he realized it was the man from his aptitude test, _Wymack_ , his brain supplied. He cast his eyes to the floor in hopes that the man would walk away instead of punishing him for already failing Dauntless initiation; however, Wymack’s feet didn’t move. Rather, he crouched in front of Neil and stared at him until Neil slowly looked back at him, but carefully avoided his eyes.

“Are you Dauntless or not?” Wymack demanded.

Neil was too winded to answer him, but he glared towards the offending stairs that made him think, _No, apparently I’m not._

Wymack huffed, “One thing you need to get straight is you don’t need to be physically strong to be brave.” He waited until Neil looked back at him once again before continuing, “I know you don’t trust me and you have no reason to, but we are part of the same faction now, understand?”

Neil slowly nodded and then grew confused when Wymack, still in a crouch, turned around and sternly said, “Get on.”

When Neil made no indication of moving, the man sighed, “Listen. Either you can get on my back and make it to the compound or you can go back to being factionless. You have five seconds.” The words were blunt but they were what Neil needed to hear.

Neil’s entire body screamed at him for moving, but he managed to stand up and cautiously put his arms around Wymack’s neck. Then it was his mother screaming at him in his head for putting his trust in this man that he barely knew. He had to ignore it, had to be brave, because he knew it was his only chance in making it to where the Dauntless lived, the compound, Wymack had called it.

Wymack secured Neil’s legs tucked under his arms and stood up with no effort and began running again with the rest of the members.

Running down stairs while on someone’s back was jaunting, and it made Neil’s limbs ache even more, but at least his breath was back under control now.

They made it to the exit of the building and Neil expected Wymack to put him down, but he just kept on running. His eyes grew wide when he realized they were running straight for a moving train with no sign of slowing down. Neil kept his eyes open with tremendous effort and dug the fingernails of his right hand into his left arm where they were clasped around Wymack’s neck. The man turned at the last moment to run alongside the train and then jumped sideways into the compartment.

Wymack immediately crouched down to let Neil off and then turned around to face him. Neil struggled to try to get words out to thank the man, but he couldn’t get his mouth to move properly. Before he managed to speak, Wymack just nodded with a grunt and walked to the other end of the carriage.

Neil watched him go before stepping towards the wall of the train and sliding down it into a sitting position and closing his eyes. He rubbed at his temples and willed the headache running had given him to go away. _Definitely going to have to work on my endurance._

“I can’t believe Dauntless has fallen so far as to allow trash like that into it, in the past he would have been left for dead.”

“Back off Seth, I dare you to never eat a decent meal for 18 years and then try to run down twenty flights of stairs.”

Neil idly thought about how he had actually eaten fairly well for the first 10 years of his life, but 8 years without a good meal still took their toll. He opened his eyes to see who had come to his defense and was surprised he recognized this boy as well.

 _Male. Dark skin. Short black hair. Brown eyes. Black clothes. Dauntless._ Yes, this was the same boy who had gotten him out of his panic attack back at the aptitude test.

The boy looked down at him and seemed to recognize him, too, because next he said, “Hey! I told you it would be okay!” He paused like he was thinking over his words and then, “You are okay, right?”

Neil nodded, “I’m fine.” He was glad it came out so steady.

“Yeah,” he glanced to the girl next to him, who also had dark skin and short, curly black hair, and chuckled, “that’s what you said before. I’m Matt, by the way! And this is Dan,” he pointed his thumb at the girl he just looked at.

“Neil,” he responded with a nod.

“Good to meet you, Neil!” Dan enthused. She looked out the compartment door and then back at him with a mischievous look in her eye, “I’d love to stay in chat, but I think we have a rooftop to catch.”

Matt offered his hand to Neil, and with a moment’s hesitation, Neil allowed himself to be helped up to a standing position, “Rooftop?” he asked with a questioning look in Dan’s direction.

“Yep,” Matt popped the ‘p’ with a smile, “I know Coach helped you on the train, but you’re going to have to get off by yourself. We’re gonna go on ahead, but don’t take too long!” Matt went over to where Dan was a few feet away from the door and took her hand. They smiled at each other before running the few remaining steps towards the door and jumping.

 _What the hell!?_ Neil thought, and looked around incredulously as everyone else started following suit. He looked out the door closest to him and saw there was indeed a roof, but between the train and the roof was a large drop off. _I’m going to die. I am_ actually _going to die._

He took a couple steps backwards and hopped on his toes to shake his limbs out. He knew he didn’t have much time or the roof was going to end, so with one last deep breath he ran and jumped.

He doesn’t know how, but he managed to land with solid roof beneath his feet. He didn’t have the muscle to keep the landing graceful, so he ended up skidding on his knees and then rolling onto his back. He laid there and looked up at the sky. He felt a smile tug at his face and could have started laughing if it weren’t for the people gathering around him, probably wondering if he was dead since he hadn’t moved.

Neil rolled over and pushed himself up onto his knees and then into a standing position. He spotted Matt and Dan standing on the ledge of the building and began to walk towards them, brushing off the people making snide comments about how _the trash made it, too bad._

“Does anyone here feel like taking a jump?” Matt gestured behind himself.

“You want us to just jump off the building?” A girl, assumably another initiate, exclaimed.

“Yes.” Matt crossed his arms.

“What’s at the bottom?”

“Guess you’ll find out.”

Neil almost scoffed at the smirk on Matt’s face. He was enjoying this way too much.

Neil stepped up onto the ledge next to Matt and looked over the edge to see there was another building below them, but the roof had a gaping hole in it for him to jump through.

“Yeah, make the trash go first,” a boy in Dauntless clothing called out, “then at least if we hear a splat we know we’re not losing anyone important.”

That garnered a few snickers, but Dan was off the ledge in a split second and slapped the kid’s face, “That _trash_ is your new faction member, and if you can’t respect that then I think it’s you who deserve to be factionless.” She stayed in his space a moment longer to make sure the boy showed no more signs of speaking, then turned around and briskly jumped back up on the ledge.

Neil blinked, shocked at how openly defensive she was of him, then looked at Matt and pointed towards the hole, “May I?”

Matt beamed a smile at him, “Be my guest!”

Neil nodded and jumped. He closed his eyes, his body rigid, waiting for the impact of the ground. Instead, what his body hit gave way and Neil clutched at it, realizing it was a net. He laid there and for the second time allowed himself to just stare at the sky while his heart rate calmed down.

“If you don’t move soon you’re going to get crushed.”

Neil tilted his head to the side and saw the blond boy from his Aptitude test staring at him with the same bored expression he wore before.

He rolled himself off until he was at the edge of the net and then moved his legs over the side so he could jump down. Andrew, he remembered, was still staring at him and Neil stared back, he felt the challenge he had felt before and for some reason didn’t want to lose to him.

Neil was ripped out of the staring contest by a hand on his wrist and on instinct went to punch the offending person, but before he was able to, Neil, himself, was punched in the gut. He doubled over, winded for the second time that day, and fell to his knees, holding onto his stomach. He would have puked if it hadn’t been ingrained in him to never waste any food, and choked it down.

“Dammit, Andrew, he just got here and you’re already hurting him?” A new voice spoke over Neil’s head.

“He tried to touch one of my things.”

“Yeah, well, I’m pretty sure Kevin tried to touch him first.”

“Hey, I was just trying to scan his wrist like we’re supposed to.” Neil was still struggling to get his breath back, but glanced up to confirm that it was the same Kevin who had administered his test.

“Usually you ask first,” the new boy, about Matt’s age Neil noticed, scolded them and then stilled as Andrew got in his space. From his position on the ground, Neil could see Andrew holding a knife against the boy’s chest.

“You’re absolutely right Nicky,” Andrew’s voice was calm and his face blank, giving no indication of the anger that made him hold the knife, “consent is key. Go ahead and ask him.”

Nicky nodded and took a cautious step away from Andrew before directing his attention towards Neil, “Hey, kid, sorry about that.” Nicky gave him a hesitant smile and lifted up his right hand, which held a scanner, “do you mind if I scan your wrist?”

Neil slowly stood up and looked at the three faces around him before settling on Nicky and holding his left arm out.

Nicky carefully clasped Neil’s wrist with his left hand as he scanned with his right. He looked down at the scanner to see what information it brought up and then turned to the rest of the faction members that had congregated there.

“First jumper: Neil Josten.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, we made it to the compound! Also, can you imagine Wymack giving Neil a piggy back ride because it's one of my favorite things (and hopefully didn't seem too OOC considering the situation)
> 
> Let me know what you think! :)
> 
> Come say hi on my [Tumblr!](http://www.hazzafluff.tumblr.com)


	4. Chapter 4

After all initiates, followed by Dan and Matt, had jumped, they were corralled into an opening in the wall that turned into a tunnel. There was lighting on the wall, but it was only about every ten steps or so, leaving it darker than Neil would have liked in a new place. It became hard to see Matt, but Neil could still hear his voice as he explained to them all about what was going on. Apparently the hole they had just jumped through was called the Black Entrance and is known as the back door to the pit. The pit was where they were currently walking to and was the heart of the faction.

“Well, it’s literally just a pit in the ground,” Matt responded when an initiate asked why it was called that, “but adding  _ ‘the’ _ in front of ‘ _ pit’ _ it makes it sound more official.” 

Soon enough, the tunnel started getting lighter and eventually opened up into a cavernous area made of stone. The initiates who were transfers instantly started breaking out into chatter as they look around themselves in amazement. There were people everywhere and some of them started to give a few cheers as they noticed the initiates’ arrival. Before he got a good look at anything, Neil instinctively bowed his head and avoided looking anyone in the eye. 

Neil heard the distinctive sound of someone clapping to get their attention followed by what he thought was Dan’s voice. “Alright, alright. I know, it’s awesome, but we can’t have initiates walking around wearing their old faction’s colors. Kevin here-” she gestured toward him- “will take all transfers to your sleeping quarters. Dauntless-born, you obviously don’t need to worry about changing your clothes, but Matt and I will show you your sleeping quarters as well.”

“Transfers,” Kevin took over speaking now, “let’s go.”

He promptly started walking away from the group without waiting, not that he needed to as they all quickly fell in step behind him. Neil also noticed Andrew was walking beside Kevin and grimaced at the idea of having to spend more time in his presence.

After Neil was declared the first jumper, they had to wait for the rest of the group to jump, too, and Andrew spent that whole time staring at him. He wouldn’t call it a glare, his eyes were too emotionless for that, but it was disconcerting to say the least.

“If we’re all sharing a sleeping area, that means we have to sleep in the same room as this trash?”

The comment came from a girl behind him, so Neil kept his eyes resolutely forward. Not that it helped when the Erudite boy in front of him turned around and groaned the response, “ugh, I didn’t even think about that. I call the bed furthest away from him.”

The girl laughed, “you could probably be on the opposite side of the faction and still not be far enough away.” 

Neil forced himself not to react and started counting to 100 in his head. It wasn’t worth causing a fight at this point, especially not while he was outnumbered.

He was just nearing 70 when Kevin lead them through a door and announced they were there. This room was also made out of stone, though not nearly as large as the pit had been. There was nothing in the room but three rows with six beds each, making it more than prepared for the 9 that had actually transferred.

Kevin handed each of them a bundle of clothing, while Andrew looked like he’d rather be anywhere else right now.

Neil was used to changing while hiding the scars that littered his body. He started with his pants, since his shirt was long enough to cover anything in that area, then moved onto his shirt. It was a bit trickier, as he had to put the new shirt on over the old shirt, then maneuver his arms under both shirts so the old shirt was hanging around his neck. Finally, he could put his arms back through his new shirt and pull the other one out through the neck hole.

When he was done, he realized Andrew had taken back up his staring at Neil and suddenly he couldn’t stop fidgeting. He was sure he had changed perfectly, without showing any of his scars, but he was still filled with nerves at the idea of being caught. 

He managed to get in a few deep breaths before Kevin was talking again, “Okay, it’s time to go to dinner, but first you’ll have to follow me to the incinerator so we can burn your old clothes. As you burn your clothes, it symbolizes burning your past with it and-”

“Boring. Let’s go,” Andrew cut him off and was out of the room in the same breath.

Kevin huffed, but followed him without saying anything else along with the rest of them.

The incineration room was as hot as you might expect, with the added bonus of a layer of smoke that made it irritating to breathe.

“Alright, get in a line and we’ll let you take turns chucking your clothing into the incinerator.”

Neil made to follow the instructions, but stopped when Kevin spoke directly to him, “not you first jumper, your clothes have to be taken back to the community building.”

The Erudite boy from before snickered upon hearing that and very loudly announced, “did you hear that? The trash can’t even burn his clothes! They have to reuse them every year.” He laughed harder as if he thought of something even funnier and continued, “their clothes are actually worth more than them, since they can be recycled. Trash is just useless.”

The insults were just getting repetitive at this point. At least that’s what Neil told himself to convince not to accidentally push the Erudite into the incinerator.

“Just think of how bad the parents are, though. By transitive property, they must have been really shitty to raise such shitty children.”

Well. He tried.

Neil swung around and slammed his fist into the boy’s eye, causing everyone around him to stare in shock as the boy stumbled backwards.

The boy was fuming, he glared up at Neil and growled, “What the fuck man-”

“No, fuck you. You don’t get to talk about me and you definitely don’t get to talk about my mother. We may have been factionless but at least we were decent human beings. Unlike you who decide you’re better than us because you were born with a book in your hand. At least I’m trying to do something with my life, what are you doing? Besides making yourself feel better about your pathetic life by looking down on those of us who have to wear purple because we weren’t lucky enough to be born wearing the colors of a faction member. So while you blame my mother for making me  _ shitty _ , I feel bad for your parents to have their kid turn out to be such disappointing douchebag. Though by  _ transitive property _ , they probably were too.”

He stood there for a moment longer to see if the boy would come back with anything, but he seemed more in shock than anything.  
Neil spun around and stormed his way out the door. He swore he heard someone say “maybe not so boring,” but didn’t have the patience to deal with them anymore. He had no idea where he was going, but it was dinner time anyways and he really wasn’t that hungry right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry this chapter took so long and is so short :( I have chronic migraines that have been hitting really hard the past couple weeks, so that factored in with life being busy just made it really hard to write, BUT I have most of next chapter's outline done so that shouldn't take as long as this one did (mainly because I was going to make it apart of this chapter but I knew I wouldn't have enough time to write it all this weekend and wanted to get you something before the weekend ended)
> 
> With that said, hope you enjoyed it! Let me know what you think!
> 
> Come say hi on [tumblr!](http://www.hazzafluff.tumblr.com) @Hazzafluff


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